


terrible and beautiful

by catchingnovels



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Circle Jerk, Frottage, Implied Sexual Content, Internal Monologue, M/M, Pool Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23568970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catchingnovels/pseuds/catchingnovels
Summary: Ashton can't stop thinking about a night he had with Luke two years ago. Luke can't stop thinking about it either.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	terrible and beautiful

**Author's Note:**

  * For [softirwin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/softirwin/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Terrible and Wonderful](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1923888) by [alseeptoday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alseeptoday/pseuds/alseeptoday). 



> Hello there! Thank you for clicking on this fic, as I have never posted here and I've been too nervous to do so. This is my first ever slash fic (inspired by one of the first fics that got me into reading 5SOS slash), and I would love feedback. Please follow me on Tumblr at 5sosnsfw.tumblr.com to come chat or see the many other 5sos fics I've written, as I have over a hundred. I do non-binary self insert there, so be sure to come say hi. 
> 
> A big thank you to softirwin for always supporting me and giving me the push to keep going. I would truly be nothing without her influence. 
> 
> I hope to post more here soon, I just need to think of an idea first. Please enjoy!

Ashton was hot and cold.

His boxers were freezing, sticking to his thighs in a way that made him regret keeping them on. Being the sober one kept him painfully aware of everything that was happening in Michael’s pool. A warm night met a murky dark blue sky above them—a romantic swirl of purple clouds distracting him from looking at Luke’s head underwater. It had been so long since they had spent quality time together without any distractions. Traveling all the time drained the band of energy that they somehow always had. It caused Ashton to miss his bandmates when he was right next to them. Desperate for the kind of intimacy that made their lives palpable, he inhaled before running his palm through the water.

“Why are you always such an asshole?”

Michael splashed Ashton back before settling back under the water—pressing the opening of a White Claw against his lip. His face was red in the “too much alcohol” way, his cheeks a bright pink while his lips were somewhere on the spectrum of red. Ashton always thought it made him look extra alive—enjoying the most of the freedom that he had at home. Calum was drunk too. His head lulled to the side, pressing his ear into Michael’s shoulder as he smiled at Ashton. Both of them were so docile when they were filled to the brim with peace.

“Dude, if you don’t stop working out, you’re literally going to turn into the Hulk.”

Calum laughed after he imitated Ashton crossing his arms over his chest, puffing up his own. Ashton blushed as he laughed it off. All of them had something to say about his body these days since he resurrected the shirtless drum set. He couldn’t figure out why he liked it so much. Ashton assumed it was because he got a lot of texts from women after shows. Not to mention the fact that it supercharged the bedroom factor with whoever he was dating at the time. It was a nice kind of attention—the kind that made him wonder why he wasn’t always the center.

A thought of Luke passed through his mind.

He could never be the center of attention because Luke exists. The golden boy that could never do wrong, his best friend that left an impression on his heart. He was beautiful in the effortless way. Ashton was envious of it for a long time because it didn’t take much for people to fawn over Luke. People fell at his feet—they would do anything for his acknowledgment.

Ashton felt the same way.

Something happened when he and Luke bonded. There was no word he had for it other than ‘special’, that sort of tingle he got when they held eye contact for more than five seconds. Ashton couldn’t believe that it hadn’t gone away even though he never saw Luke without Sierra. Seeing his face was like being folded and shaken out over and over—making him daydream about everything that they promised they would never think about again.

Ashton would never forget the hue of Luke’s face in his bed. The way his heart raced when his hands gripped his biceps—telling Luke that he would do anything for him if he needed it. He had never been more turned on in that moment. Ashton tried to recreate it with several people many times and it never felt the same. It made everything confusing. He didn’t want to think about the implications of an isolated incident, never once letting himself think about Luke’s body quivering under his when he was in public. Ashton couldn’t let his heart go there—especially when he knew that he was alone in what he felt.

“What are you staring at?”

Ashton looked to Luke on the other side of the pool. He had been preoccupied with the marble edge of the concrete, tracing his thoughts into small mineral fractures as he walked over. Luke was distracting in a way that Ashton tried to shake off. He couldn’t even see his lower body and he was reeling. His blonde hair was wet—droplets of water littering his shoulders with a glitter that didn’t beat what he wore on his eyes most of the time. Ashton’s heart dropped when Luke walked towards him, small waves settling around his thighs as he tried to focus on the cold.

“Nothing. Just checking on you.”

The feeling came up again. It came to a peak when Luke lifted his drink. Ashton couldn’t even pretend like he was focusing on whatever Michael was saying to the side of them. His eyes were glued to the way Luke’s lips were almost glossy with a remnant of tequila. He couldn’t think about anything else but how much he wanted to be close to Luke. Close enough to taste a vice on his lips—trying to forget about everything but what he needed. A small smile drew Ashton three steps closer in the process of ignoring Michael, picking up the last thing he said when Luke turned.

“Fine, but I’m not going inside.”

Michael slurred the end of his sentence as Calum laughed. He was instigating him with something. Ashton could tell by the way they were giggling—reminding him of when they would share hotel rooms and see entirely too much of each other in the middle of mischief. Calum chuckled when Michael pulled himself out of the pool. His fingers were looped in the band of his swim trunks, his eyes closed when he spoke again.

“I’m...really horny.”

Ashton shook his head when Michael exhaled. He was horny also—but not for the same reason and not motivated by whatever Michael had been drinking. Ashton’s heart started pounding again, his pulse loud enough to ring through his ears when he tried to get a better sense of what was going on.

“Go on then.”

Calum looked considerably amused. He crossed his arms as he laughed, waiting for Michael to chicken out while the rest of his friends watched them. Ashton felt like they were eighteen again and too drunk on cheap beer. The worst ideas came from Michael—making Ashton be the voice of reason even when he didn’t want to be. His attention was elsewhere but his mind was still on Luke. He was behind him now, running his hand over the surface of the water. Ashton was sure that he didn’t want to do any of this. He didn’t care as much about Michael’s cock, however, he still felt a dull arousal from thinking about Luke’s mouth when he shouldn’t have.

This is wrong.

It should be wrong, Ashton thought. Maybe the fact that he was so caught up in Luke was what made him feel bad. He had been a lonely heart for a long time. Watching everyone fall in love with being domestic and happy was what made him hurt. He assumed as much when he declined offers to go to dinner with Luke and Sierra. It was the fact that he wasn’t attached—not a complex desire that he didn’t understand that’s been harbored for years. The latter wouldn’t make sense. Ashton swallowed hard when butterflies coated the lining of his stomach. It couldn’t be that, not with Luke being as beautiful as he is in the most casual way possible.

It didn’t mean anything. Or did it?

He was trying to keep his passion for friendship separate from all of the sessions of cathartically lusting after Luke. Ashton tied it to cabin fever, getting tired of the same porn, rationalizing the urge to have a dick in his mouth to the back of his mind. He hadn’t considered the obvious until Michael pulled down his swim trunks most of the way, with his erection cresting against his waistband as Ashton looked away.

Do I have feelings for Luke? Those kind of feelings? Ashton thought.

“I was being serious, Calum!”

Michael was almost naked as the bottom of his trunks touched the surface of water. Luke was right by Ashton’s side. It didn’t help that his heart hadn’t slowed in the slightest. His body betrayed him as he caught sight of Luke’s hips above the water. What he wouldn’t do to be able to touch him again. He didn’t even care if it was in private or not. Ashton wanted to hold him. Make Luke feel good—make him moan in the way he did once before. His thoughts were disrupted by trunks being thrown in his direction. A now naked Michael was taunting Calum to follow his lead. It was 2014 again, only now at a mansion with no one to stop them.

“It’ll be less weird if we all do it, you know?”

Ashton was too in his head to think about anything but Luke, let alone register the fact that Michael had an angry red hard-on, in contrast to his pale skin. Calum pulled his boxers down after he moved away from Michael slightly, trying to be a good sport. Ashton wasn’t able to relax. Even when Luke gave him eyes that told him that it was okay—he was sure his heart would give out if anyone else got naked.

“It’s not like this hasn’t happened before.”

Ashton felt like he was in an agressive time loop. One that didn’t feel like it would end even if he could bring himself to stop thinking about Luke, or stop the pulsing in his head that he swore wasn’t there moments before. He was brought back by Luke’s hand on his forearm. Everything stopped when he felt those familiar fingers. Luke’s hand, the warmth that made him realize more about himself than any detox retreat could. The beam of Luke’s face was lit a teal blue when he looked down. Luke was naked too. It happened between Ashton’s third and tenth inner spiral most likely, brought up by the fact that he was the only one clothed.

“Do this with me.”

Luke wasn’t asking. Quiet moans from Michael and Calum in front of them made Ashton focus on the way Luke was stroking himself. He was hard too, keeping his gaze on Ashton’s chest as he tried to keep a steady pace. Ashton’s knees felt like they were going to give out when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Michael was laying next to a pool chair—laying back with his back arched and Calum between his legs. He was clearly looking and Calum didn’t mind.

Luke moved closer to the both of them with Ashton’s forearm in hand.

He was intoxicated with the moment—trying to keep his head on his body when Luke tugged on the wet fabric of his boxers. It was happening right now. What Ashton had craved for so long, the unification of his fantasies and his desire coming to a head when Luke pressed his hand to his crotch. Ashton sheepishly pulled down his boxers when Luke moved his hand away. His cock was hard, twitching from the exposed air. Ashton was trying to catch his breath. Almost hyperventilating when he thought about a dream he had when he walked in on Luke in the shower. The thought was enough to send him over the edge.

And now, Luke was here, touching himself.

He looked better than Ashton remembered. He complimented him often and always because of how much he liked it—priding himself on the way Luke’s cheeks would light up when he said he looked good. Luke looked perfect in Ashton’s opinion. The way that his nipples were erect made him want to lose his mind when Ashton wrapped his hand around his shaft. Luke’s chest barely rose before he pushed out an exhale. His tip was glistening with arousal. It made Ashton salivate as he watched him, trying to reason his feelings away with a lie.

It’s aesthetically pleasing. Ashton thought.

Purely visual when Ashton felt a surge of arousal settle in his balls. They were aching, motivating him to stroke himself quickly when someone whimpered into the air. Michael was swearing—his eyes on Calum as he tried to keep himself on the edge. Ashton could tell because of the way his voice strained when his head went back. He had heard him masturbate enough to know that he was nearly there. That information would have disturbed him if he had been thinking clearly. He was paying attention to the way Luke had gotten a foot closer to him since he started. Luke really did look like he was watching Ashton—keeping his eyes wide as he teased the underside of his cock.

That feeling.

The one that he couldn’t ignore, there was something about the way Luke moved that made him accept it. To know that he did feel the same about Luke as he did a beautiful woman, or really anyone that gave him the kind of attention he wanted. Ashton was reeling when he hit a mark of arousal that was greater than the others. Closing his eyes to focus on the moans of his friends as he tried to get close. He was steady until he felt Luke’s tip on his. Ashton’s entire body tensed and relaxed as he felt Luke on him—his precum mixed with his as he kept stroking.

Ashton thought about fucking Luke.

He laid out the images he had put away in his mind. Luke jerking himself off as Ashton came hard into a condom. Kissing Luke as he leaned into his own orgasm, with Ashton’s lips on his earlobe when he came on himself. They didn’t plan on having sex until Luke’s legs were wrapped around Ashton’s waist. He grinded against him and was turned on from something Ashton couldn’t remember. He could only think of Luke’s eyes on his. How his mouth looked after he pouted, asking Ashton to help him forget how badly he hurt. Ashton kissed him after that out of instinct before Luke started rubbing him over his boxers. It was a daze and a half—complete with them saying that they couldn’t sleep in the same room anymore.

Ashton was feeling everything.

Luke had his hand on both of their cocks as he whimpered. He was panting—about to cum as water moved between their legs. It was overwhelming. The embrace of every unspoken tension coming to a head, making Ashton lose himself and his inhibitions as Luke sighed. Their cocks were more than touching, the friction making both of them dizzy. Ashton couldn’t keep anything else in as a drop a precum coated Luke’s tip. He almost whispered his phrase, letting his voice crack.

“Do you think about it too?”

Ashton was right on edge. He rubbed Luke with him as he tried to look him in the eye. Luke’s mouth was open when his breath caught—huffing before he came hard. His cum coated Ashton’s cock. A rope made its way to Ashton’s hip, motivating him to finish while he was lubed in Luke’s orgasm. It was all breathing as Luke jerked Ashton off. He didn’t get an answer to his question but he didn’t care in the moment. He was focused on remembering how Luke’s hand felt and how much he would cum to it later—erupting into Luke’s palm with force. His high made his head foggy as he took a step back. Ashton felt like he was under the influence of something other than lust when he opened his eyes again. Luke was looking for his boxers when Michael laughed at something Calum said about his cum nearly hitting his eye.

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t like it, Calum.”

Michael seemed to shake off any lingering awkwardness as he wiped himself off with a towel. Calum stood to get his own as Ashton tried to gather his thoughts—mostly shivering in place.

Ashton couldn’t deny it.

He was experiencing a crush on someone he had known for most of his life. Luke was always there. Never in the way he needed him to be, Ashton had satisfied an urge he assumed would come back. Flashes of Luke’s naked body danced around the interior of his mind. He shook his head when Michael threw his underwear right next to him on the concrete, telling him to at least come inside for another cup of coffee. Ashton left his misfortune in the pool where he found it.

Saving his more difficult thoughts for his own home.


End file.
